Her parents and my family both want me to go out with her, but I feel awkward making the first move. The church is very cliquey and gossipy. The girls and guys self-segregate, and if you approach a girl, it starts a bunch of drama. Like, "Omg, did you see anon go up to her? We have to talk to her asap to see what he said."I hate this kind of bullshit so much. I want my romantic affairs to be kept private, and cliquey little churches like this go hysteric over this. My options are the following:1) Message her on facebook (a little more private)2) Talk to her at upcoming church young adult picnic outing (feel awkward doing this b/c both of our families are there)3) Just do nothing and see where it goes (has resulted in nothing so far)I am absolutely certain she would go out with me if I pursued, but I prefer things to happen organically instead of cold approaching.
>>31204139By self-segregate, I mean gender segregate. Guys and girls don't talk to each otherAnd the young adult picnic is literally put together by the church to encourage pairing, but I feel like that makes it even more awkward
>>31204139interesting. what do you know about her routine and activities? maybe we can make a plan. "bump" into her somewhere outside church grounds
>>31204167>Guys and girls don't talk to each othertruly demented. find a new church
>>31204374>know about her routine and activitiesI'm pretty sure she attends choir practice, but that's also at the church, and I don't like choir and don't see myself going there just to hit on her
facebook message would work, but if you don't want to do that out of the blue:introduce yourself at the picnic to get the weirdness of both families off your backthen facebook message her, unless you spill your spaghetti and can't think of anything to talk about, and if so:suck it up and go to one choir recital (it's music in your community, you can't hate on that)go up to her afterwards and say nice jobthen facebook message her
>>31204419i mean, that would work, but it's neither organic nor discreet. but I have an idea. you could have a barbecue at your house and invite the people of the church. you have home field advantage, set yourself up any way you want. don't know if you can drink alcohol and eat meat but the concept still stands.
>>31204139How old are all involved?
>>31204139>Her parents and my family both want me to go out with herDo YOU want to go out with her?>The church is very cliquey and gossipy.Then maybe this church isn't the right place to start a relationship. It sounds like every move you make will be observed, analyzed, and discussed. Awful.
>>31204139>and if you approach a girl, it starts a bunch of drama. Like, "Omg, did you see anon go up to her? We have to talk to her asap to see what he said."Who cares? Sounds like people in your church should just grow up and accept that there’s literally nothing wrong with a guy and a girl talking to each other. Don’t feel ashamed or guilty for it.
>>31204464Yeah, saying something irl and following up on fb makes the most sense to me.>>31204488>meet up at your houseEh, that's not happening.>>31204511I'm 25, she's 21. This is an "ultra conservative" church, and this is about the age where you're either married or engaged.>Do YOU want to go out with her?Honestly, I'm not sure. I was kind of curious about it before, but I've been so incredibly stressed with different things in my life that I'm not sure if I'm ready to see anyone right now. That's why I haven't really bothered making a move -- if it happens by itself, it's meant to be, and if not, I am too preoccupied with other things to do the dirty work.>every move you make will be observed, analyzed, and discussedCouldn't have said it better myself. If there is one little thing making you stand out one day, whether good or bad, the entire church will be discussing it. A guy from another church put a little note in the Bible of a girl he liked, and she went around telling everyone. It's such a toxic atmosphere for dating, and the girls are always wondering why the guys aren't pursing. One literally said, "Do guys just not like girls anymore?" They don't realize that we don't want our approach attempts to be heavily scrutinized and talked about>Who cares? For some, they just don't give a shit. For me, I just never liked being the focus of attention.
Women are going to talk shop. There's nothing you can do about it. It's been that way forever and will continue on. The only thing you can do is nut up and be straight forward with her. Tell her that you like her. Don't mention the family expectations on the first meeting. Maybe the 2nd or 3rd. Make it clear that you like her though. The last thing you want is her thinking you're just following orders to date her. Women want to feel wanted. If you need to pull her aside for a bit at the social, then do it. Get her number. Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. It's understandable why you don't want to be put under the microscope, but understand that this is a golden oppurtunity. Make the most of it.
>>31204139I have some second hand experience of this crap. You're right to not want to cold approach her like that. I've seen guys get completely humiliated that way and it's ugly (one guy left the church partially for this reason it still makes me sad when I think about it). Here's best approach I've found. If your dad/mom knows her dad/mom have them invite her family over for dinner (could be at a restaurant to make both you feel more comfortable). Then make the move there. You both go on a first date later and if it doesn't work out you both can play it off you were friends who were hanging out (if gossipers even find out). If things do work out why care if everyone knows you're together?Good luck and remember to pray for the gossipers as we will be judged for every idle word.
